书籍介绍
这本书最戳中人的，是它把'爱'和'界限'这对常被对立的概念重新拧在了一起：设立边界不是自私，反而是对自己负责的表现。它提醒读者——当你能为自己的情感、意图、喜负定位，你的话语就在为你的'产权'划界。书中最实用的概念之一是'三人行'：两人回避矛盾，却把第三方拉进来，结果问题没解决，第三人也被卷入。然而它也有明显的门槛：大量引用《圣经》作为论证依据，对不信耶稣的读者并不友好，甚至有人觉得'夹私货太多'。它真正适合的是那些反复在关系里委屈、愧疚感沉重、不知如何说'不'的人；若你能越过它的宗教外壳，'我为自己负责，你为你自己负责'这一核心，确实是一堂迟来的成熟课。
作者简介
克劳德和汤森德。他们是美国广受欢迎的讲员，拥有执照的开业心理医师，共同主持全国广播电台“新生命”广播节目，也是克劳德与汤森德传播中心、讲习会、资讯供应以及教会训练小组的合办人。 两人毕业于同一所心理学研究院，获临床心理学博士学位；在加州新港滩合开私人诊所。他们合著了许多畅销书，包括：《为孩子立界限》、《为约会立界限》。
AI导读
核心看点
- 厘清心理界限，区分自我与他人的责任
- 学习设立边界，摆脱过度负责的内耗
- 通过圣经视角，探讨爱与自由的平衡
读者共识
- 核心在于学会为自己负责，不再过度承担
- 界限知识实用，但宗教内容劝退部分读者
- 改变认知，明白说不并非自私，而是自爱
精彩摘录
- "The Bible tells us it is worthless to confront foolish people: “Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you” (Prov. 9:8)"
- "Codependent people bring insults and pain onto themselves when they confront irresponsible people. In reality, they just need to stop interrupting the law of sowing and reaping in someone’s life."
- "“Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:12). Anytime you are not loving others, you are not taking full responsibility for yourself; you have disowned your heart."
- "“Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose” (Phil. 2:12–13). You are responsible for yourself. I am responsible for myself."
- "Another aspect of being responsible “to” is not only in the giving but in the setting of limits on another’s destructive and irresponsible behavior. It is not good to rescue someone from the consequences of their sin, for you will only have to do it again. You have reinforced the pattern (Prov. 19:1"
- "1. You have the power to agree with the truth about your problems. 2. You have the power to submit your inability to God. 3. You have the power to search and ask God and others to reveal more and more about what is within your boundaries. 4. You have the power to turn from the evil that you find wit"
- "You cannot change others. More people suffer from trying to change others than from any other sickness. And it is impossible. What you can do is influence others. But there is a trick. Since you cannot get them to change, you must change yourself so that their destructive patterns no longer work on "
- "We need to respect the boundaries of others. We need to love the boundaries of others in order to command respect for our own. We need to treat their boundaries the way we want them to treat ours."
