书籍介绍
这不像一本教你如何被爱的书，反而像一份要求你停止自欺的行动纲领。贝尔·胡克斯把'爱'从名词拖成动词，反复逼问：当我们把伤害误认为爱、把孤独当成逃避的借口、在亲密关系里重演童年的冲突时，我们究竟在爱，还是在依赖？读者最买账的，正是这种近乎残酷的清醒——它撕破浪漫爱情的迷思，指出'爱是一种意志的行动'，而非飘忽的感觉；它区分'关心'与'爱'，提醒滋养彼此的成长才是爱的内核。它适合那些被泛滥的顺直异性恋叙事裹挟、渴望重新理解亲密关系的人。代价是：部分章节宗教意味偏浓，翻译亦显生硬。但正因它拒绝提供廉价的安慰，才读后令人醍醐灌顶——真正的爱不会替你扫平困难，只让你更有力量去面对。
作者简介
贝尔·胡克斯（bell hooks,1952-2021），原名格洛丽亚·简·威金斯（Gloria Jean Watkins），著名学者、知名作家、社会活动家，在久负盛名的伯里亚学院任特聘住校教授。胡克斯著有40余部书籍，涵盖论文、诗歌、儿童读物等题材。2020年，被《时代》杂志评入“百年百大女性”之列
AI导读
核心看点
- 爱非名词而是动词，需诚实面对自我与他人
- 爱旨在滋养心灵成长，绝非控制或虐待
- 批判浪漫爱迷思，强调爱需正义与诚实
读者共识
- 爱是一种行动而非单纯感觉，需终身实践
- 前半部分犀利深刻，后半部分宗教味重
- 翻译质量参差不齐，建议耐心克服障碍
精彩摘录
- "To know love we have to tell the truth to ourselves and to others. Creating a false se lf to mask fears and insecurities has become so common that many of us forget who we are and what we feel underneath the pretense. Breaking through this denial is always the first step in uncovering our longing to"
- "When feminism first began, women talked openly about our desires to know men better, to love them for who they really are. We talked about our desires to be loved for who we really are (i.e., to be accepted in our physical and spiritual beings rather than feeling we had to make ourselves into a fant"
- "The wounded child inside many males is a boy who, when he first spoke his truths, was silenced by paternal sadism, by a patriarchal world that did not want him to claim his true feelings. The wounded child inside many females is a girl who was taught from early childhood on that she must become some"
- "如今的青年文化对爱表现得愤世嫉俗，而这种怀疑态度来自一种普遍存在的无法找到爱的感觉。哈罗德·库什纳（Harold Kushner）在《当你所想要的一切还不够》（When AllYow've Ever Wanted Isn't Enough）中表达了这种担忧，他写道：“我担心我们可能会培养出一代害怕爱、害怕付出自己的年轻人，因为他们会看到冒着风险去爱却没有结果是多么痛苦。我担心他们长大后会寻找没有风险的亲密关系和没有情感投入的满足。他们会如此害怕失望的痛苦，以至于他们会放弃爱和快乐的可能性。”年轻人对爱愤世嫉俗，而归根结底，愤世嫉俗只是用来掩盖失望和害怕背叛的心的面具。"
- "Most psychologically and/or physically abused children have been taught by parenting adults that love can coexist with abuse. And in extreme cases that abuse is an expression of love. This faulty thinking often shapes our adult perceptions of love. So that just as we would cling to the notion that t"
- "Spiritual life is first and foremost about committment to a way of thinking and behaving that honors principles of inter-being and interconnectedness."
- "I have been astonished by hearing individuals who inherited wealth in childhood warn against sharing resources because people needing help should work for money in order to appreciate its value. Inherited wealth and/or substantial material resources are rarely talked about in the mass media because "
- "The rugged individual who relies on no one else is a figure who can only exist in a culture of domination where a privileged few use more of the world's resources than the many who must daily do without. Worship of individualism has in part led us to the unhealthy culture of narcissism that is so al"
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灵你妹
2024年第一本书！！
去年开始我一直在想什么是爱这个问题。我们并没有关于爱的这个知识与讨论。而从小到大各个角落都放着那泛滥而又低俗的顺直异性恋爱，它建构了权力爱的模式，让人感觉似乎那就是爱。Bell Hooks关于爱的解读和分析让我重新思考了爱这个字的意思和维度，而我也能说，我感受到了爱，我拥有爱！
“友谊是我们大多数人第一次得到救赎之爱和社群关怀的地方。”
古早黑人女权主义大牛讨论爱，果然不同凡响。千万不要抱着鸡汤的期待翻开这本书。
我直接五星拉满，是可以反复看，反复学习的一本书。“爱不仅影响你对所爱之人的思考和行为，还会让你的生命天翻地覆。真正的爱是一种属于个人的革命，它把你的想法、欲望和行为糅合在一起，形成一种体验一种鲜活的现实，一个全新的你。”
引文很美，作者略次。作者看起来像个童年遭受父权深刻伤害，且未治愈的老太太，不厌其烦、长篇累牍地diss父权。作者也未能过好自己的生活，离婚，独居。 窃以为，作者并未抓住世界的本质，爱的灵魂，更不用说爱的全部，妄言“关于爱的一切”。
这本书给出了爱的定义和对爱的理解，可以算作一本谈论爱的教科书了，作者在理想的层面构建了爱的完美范式。我是抱着疑问来读的，虽然问题没有得到解答，但也划了一些很有感触的句子。总体来说这本书对爱情中有困惑的人来说帮助较大
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