What Happened to You?

Oprah Winfrey, Bruce D. Perry

出版时间

2021-04-27

ISBN

9781250223180

评分

★★★★★
书籍介绍
Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road, and What Happened to You? provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand. “Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives.”―Oprah Winfrey This book is going to change the way you see your life. Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question. Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” Here, Winfrey shares stories from her own past, understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age. In conversation throughout the book, she and Dr. Perry focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves. It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future―opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way.
AI导读
核心看点
  • 用“你经历了什么”替代“你有什么病”,重塑对创伤的理解。
  • 揭示早期经历如何塑造大脑,影响成年后的情绪与关系模式。
  • 强调人际连接是治愈创伤的关键,提供科学且温暖的疗愈路径。
适合谁读
  • 深受原生家庭影响,渴望理解自身行为模式与情绪根源的读者。
  • 对心理学感兴趣,希望从科学角度了解创伤与大脑机制的读者。
  • 父母及教育工作者,希望改善亲子关系,提供高质量陪伴的读者。
读前提醒
  • 强烈建议收听有声书,奥普拉与博士的对话本身极具治愈力量。
  • 内容偏向科普与对话,非专业治疗指南,严重创伤者请寻求专业帮助。
  • 阅读时请保持自我关怀,触及伤痛时允许自己暂停,不必强迫原谅。
读者共识
  • 对话形式轻松易读,理论扎实,比一般自助书籍更具科学深度。
  • 帮助读者停止自我责备,理解行为背后的生存机制,获得释然。
  • 强调高质量陪伴的重要性,对现代人的孤独与屏幕依赖有深刻反思。

本导读基于书籍简介、目录、原文摘录、短评和书评生成,不等同于全文精读。

精彩摘录
  • "屏幕时间(screen time)对我们也有很大的影响。在家里,在工作中,在学校,我们每天花费在屏幕前的时间超过十一个小时。我们的家庭聚餐次数大大减少了。我们的对话技能正在衰退,讲故事的技艺和倾听的能力都在减弱。其结果就是总体性地只关注自我,更加焦虑,更加压抑,遭遇创伤后的复原能力也更差。"
  • "一个人无法给予自己没有得到的东西。如果没有人跟你说话,你就不会说话;如果你从未被爱过,你就无法爱别人。"
  • "我们已经没有足够安静的对话时间,可以不受任何干扰地倾听别人。而这种互动能带来完全不同的人际关系质量和深度。人们都渴望有这种互动,但我们之中的许多人转向社交媒体去寻找,但社交媒体上的互动并不能满足我们的渴望。"
  • "为什么自己遇到事情总是倾向于退缩,为什么当事情变得具有挑战性时,我就立刻弃赛退场?这是因为你的大脑已经被训练成在你感觉不舒服或受到威胁时立刻进入解离状态。即使数学考试的威胁没有想伤害你的人的威胁那么大,你的解离反应仍然有可能会过度强烈,以至于你对数学考试的反应是“关机”。"
  • "当我们强迫自己掩盖事实,逃避过去时,这些秘密会成为永远的创伤,一座囚禁自我的监牢,这丝毫无助于减轻痛苦。你握紧秘密,秘密也会紧紧扼住你。你一直背负的苦痛,你内心深处的羞耻感,都来自你深藏心底的秘密。我们越是否定自我,就越是无法与过去和解,而对抗过去将消耗我们巨大的能量。如果我们不允许自己为从前的经历悲伤,我们就注定要不断重温这些创伤。"
  • "奥普拉:我和英国喜剧演员拉塞尔·布兰德曾经谈论过如何从情绪失衡中寻求解脱,那时,他已经戒毒十一年了,但他却在不久之前发表了一篇很有影响力的文章,讲述他几乎每一天都想着海洛因。“毒品和酒精不是我的问题,”他写道,“现实才是我的问题。毒品和酒精是我的解决办法。”"
  • "你爱别人的方式,源自你被爱的方式。"
  • "宽恕就是不再希望过去可能会有所不同。如果我们总是抱着过去的痛苦不放,我们就无法前行。"
作者简介
Through the power of media, Oprah Winfrey has created an unparalleled connection with people around the world. As host and supervising producer of the top-rated, award-winning The Oprah Winfrey Show, she entertained, enlightened, and uplifted millions of viewers for twenty-five years. Her accomplishments as a global media leader and philanthropist have established her as one of the most respected and admired public figures today. Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D., a child psychiatrist and neuroscientist, is the principal of the Neurosequential Network, senior fellow of the ChildTrauma Academy and an adjunct professor of psychiatry at the Northwestern University School of Medicine in Chicago. He is the author, with Maia Szalavitz, of The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, a bestselling book based on his work with maltreated children, and Born for Love, about the essential nature of empathy.
用户评论
what happened to you is what is happening to you
Rhythms. Heartbeat. >Walking, dancing, and singing. - The natural world has reassuring rhythms that can anchor our days. As we walk, we tune in to our own natural rhythms and are able to have a break from the noise and stimulation of our busy lives. Stress can help build resilience – in the right doses.
非常科学系统的分析了trauma以及影响,不像一般的self-help书只给可以简单复制的小帖士。最后一段直接给我听哭了。
喜欢的作者,有新意的写作方式。把trauma对人一生的影响说得更加清楚了,有很多影响深刻的片段和金句。奥普拉的故事和串联也恰到好处。其实非常推荐新父母看,有大段大段内容都在说婴幼儿时期的关系对发展的重要性。
Super readable because of its conversational style. Maybe not entirely earth-shattering, but great stuff for sure.
#潜意识的力量,形成原因,以及如何改变
关于创伤应对机制的图解、说明和后续(如何)通过人际联系(陪伴、交往、咨询 etc)重建反应模式比较有意义,案例也好。将困境乃至行为特点、性格缺陷归咎于童年、原生家庭(thesis)本身并不新鲜。
聊天的形式很chill,有声书果然才是这本书的正确打开方式。虽然内容老生常谈了些,不过对于才刚开始进行原生家庭“自我救赎”的人来讲倒也挺合适的。唯一不能苟同的是最后Oprah讲她原谅自己母亲的故事:也许对她而言这样做无可厚非,但与此同时人们也绝不该为自己迟迟不肯原谅父母而感到彷徨自责,毕竟不是所有父母都值得被原谅的,更何况很多时候,你以为的forgiveness其实只是为父母找的借口而已。 总之 祝我们都能早日拥有post traumatic wisdom吧😊
看完了第一章,感觉跟 the body keeps the score 的主旨太像了,大概是 the body keeps the score + maybe you should talk to someone 的集合吧。大段大段的斜体让读书体验不是很友好。
绝不原谅施虐者
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