![过犹不及 - [美]亨利·克劳德(Henry Cloud) [美]约翰·汤森德(John Townsend)](https://static.book345.com/covers/s/9787550700314.jpg)
书籍介绍
这本书最锋利的地方，在于它把「爱」与「没底线」做了切割：没有界线的付出，往往不是爱，而是顺服、愧疚或自我放弃。它对讨好型人格、老好人几乎是一剂猛药——帮你认清，拒绝别人并不等于伤害对方，反而是在替对方承担自己本该承担的后果。它独特的价值在于把「界线」落到身体皮肤、语言、真理这些具体处，并坚持「他人是独立个体，亲密但不侵犯」这一看似朴素、实则极难做到的原则。不过它也有明显争议：以圣经为底色，每段强行嵌入经文，让不信仰的读者感到生硬甚至被冒犯，且道理反复铺陈，有「十页能说清却写成全书」之嫌。它适合愿意重新建构自我、却需对说教保持警惕的人。
作者简介
亨利·克劳德、约翰·汤森德：他们是美国广受欢迎的讲员、知名作家与执业心理医师，并共同主持全美播出的心理咨询节目“新生命”(New Life Live)，也合办讲习会、研究中心与教会训练小组。
两人毕业自同一所心理学研究院(Rose-mead Graduate School of Psychology)，获临床心理学博士学位，也在加州新港滩合开心理辅导诊所。他们是许多畅销书的作者，包括《过犹不及》、《为孩子立界线》、《为约会立界线》等。
AI导读
核心看点
- 明确心理界线是个人产权的分界，界定责任归属。
- 通过十律与案例，指导读者在关系中建立健康界限。
- 区分爱与控制，解决讨好型人格及过度负责问题。
读者共识
- 设立界线是成熟标志，能避免怨恨并重塑自我价值。
- 核心在于分清责任，不过度承担他人的情绪与后果。
- 虽有宗教色彩，但关于人际边界的分析极具实操性。
精彩摘录
- "The Bible tells us it is worthless to confront foolish people: “Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you” (Prov. 9:8)"
- "Codependent people bring insults and pain onto themselves when they confront irresponsible people. In reality, they just need to stop interrupting the law of sowing and reaping in someone’s life."
- "“Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:12). Anytime you are not loving others, you are not taking full responsibility for yourself; you have disowned your heart."
- "“Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose” (Phil. 2:12–13). You are responsible for yourself. I am responsible for myself."
- "Another aspect of being responsible “to” is not only in the giving but in the setting of limits on another’s destructive and irresponsible behavior. It is not good to rescue someone from the consequences of their sin, for you will only have to do it again. You have reinforced the pattern (Prov. 19:1"
- "1. You have the power to agree with the truth about your problems. 2. You have the power to submit your inability to God. 3. You have the power to search and ask God and others to reveal more and more about what is within your boundaries. 4. You have the power to turn from the evil that you find wit"
- "You cannot change others. More people suffer from trying to change others than from any other sickness. And it is impossible. What you can do is influence others. But there is a trick. Since you cannot get them to change, you must change yourself so that their destructive patterns no longer work on "
- "We need to respect the boundaries of others. We need to love the boundaries of others in order to command respect for our own. We need to treat their boundaries the way we want them to treat ours."
目录
用户评论
对处理各种人际关系非常有帮助的一本书，建立自己的界限是做好任何事情的前提。作者三句不离圣经，虽然有点烦，但对圣经的诠释和例证还是不错的。
每个人都有或多或少的界限问题，但当耶稣与你同在，祂帮你更好地活，活出自己，活出亮光和生命
已试读，可入手。实际上是非常棒的一本可以边阅读边检视自己的书，但穿插了太多圣经的内容，读起来有教条感。
《圣经》变奏曲
影响至深的一次阅读。以前我就是一个老好人，对于拒绝别人带有愧疚，但这都因为我没有设立心理界限。别人要么对你的顺从理所当然，要么对你的不顺从感到愤怒，到后面只会变得没有底线和纵容别人伤害自己。完善人格的开始，从设立界限开始。可能这会伤害一些关系，但可以重新收获自我，过好自己的生活。
非常好，推荐
当你对别人的要求说不，就像你对别人说好一样自由时，你就走在成熟界线的道路上了。不管你说好，或说不，你都不觉得有冲突、三心二意、犹豫不决
最近常因界限感不明晰而不适，知此并非偶然，于是想起了这本标注过却迟迟未读的书。深入浅出的分析，就像有导师在身旁教你应该如何正视那些界限不清的情形，而重复练习是必需的，在尝试划界时还需要有支持团体的「庇护」。下次若遇到类似的事儿，就停止内耗，实践起来吧。
建立自己的心理界线
当我将生活的主导权让给他人时，意味着界限被突破，明确自己的责任，是要有勇气的。
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