Understanding the Borderline Mother - Lawson, Christine Ann

Understanding the Borderline Mother

Lawson, Christine Ann

出版时间

2002-07-01

ISBN

9780765703316

评分

★★★★★
书籍介绍
The first love in our lives is our mother. Recognizing her face, her voice, the meaning of her moods, and her facial expressions is crucial to survival. Dr. Christine Ann Lawson vividly describes how mothers who suffer from borderline personality disorder produce children who may flounder in life even as adults, futilely struggling to reach the safety of a parental harbor, unable to recognize that their borderline parent lacks a pier, or even a discernible shore. Four character profiles describe different symptom clusters that include the waif mother, the hermit mother, the queen mother, and the witch. Children of borderlines are at risk for developing this complex and devastating personality disorder themselves. Dr. Lawson's recommendations for prevention include empathic understanding of the borderline mother and early intervention with her children to ground them in reality and counteract the often dangerous effects of living with a "make-believe" mother. Some readers may recognize their mothers as well as themselves in this book. They will also find specific suggestions for creating healthier relationships. Addressing the adult children of borderlines and the therapists who work with them, Dr. Lawson shows how to care for the waif without rescuing her, to attend to the hermit without feeding her fear, to love the queen without becoming her subject, and to live with the witch without becoming her victim. A Jason Aronson Book
精彩摘录
  • "她从来都无法确定妈妈会怎样对待她:“我从来不知道接下来的回事一个充满爱意的大大的拥抱,还是像巴掌打在脸上一样的恶语相向。” 边缘型患者的子女从不知道这一分钟母亲对自己是怎样的感觉,下一分钟母亲又会对自己是怎样的感觉。就好像在玩“她爱我,她不爱我”的数花瓣游戏一样,母亲的情绪状态可以突然之间就从温情脉脉变为勃然大怒,导致孩子处于一种不确定且不安全的情绪环境之中。精神分析大师温尼科特强调过一个“足够好的母亲”对孩子的重要性,足够好的母亲能提供充分的稳定与平和,这样她的孩子就不会被巨大的焦虑压得喘不过气来。如果在孩子的情感世界里没有规则结构和可预测性,那么他们就没有建立自尊和安全感的现实基础。"
  • "边缘型患者常常小题大做,并且很容易感到恐慌。“什么都别管了,赶快来帮帮我!”可能意味着她没找到钥匙。“我头疼得要命!”可能意味着“走开,让我一个人待会儿”。“我出车祸了!”可能意味着跟超市的手推车发生了剐蹭。 有些边缘型患者会有意识地歪曲现实,目的是防止自己被抛弃、维持自尊或者避免冲突。另一些边缘型患者则可能说谎,以吸引他人的同情、关注和关怀。从边缘型患者的角度看,谎言对生存至关重要。当绝望驱使她们做出诸如撒谎或偷窃的行为时,这些边缘型患者会认为自己是清白无辜的,没有做坏事,而且也不会感觉到内疚或后悔。因此,道歉的情况可谓凤毛麟角。她们认为,其他人也会为生存做出这样的事情。她们的解释往往简洁异"
  • "边缘型母亲很可能大脑中负责记忆和情绪调节功能的区域受到了损害。......因为边缘型母亲无法记住那些具有强烈情绪体验的事件,所以她也很难从这些经历中得到教训。她可能会重复这些消极的破坏性行为,因为她无法回想起之前类似事件所带来的后果是怎样的。...... 如果记不住过去的经历,自然不可能从这些经历中学习。因此,边缘型母亲会陷入重复的自毁行为当中。"
  • "如果边缘型母亲能够从自己的孩子眼里看到自己,那么她们就会获得拯救人生的动机,有了寻求治疗的动力。这些母亲会发现,孩子的眼神中闪耀着对她无限的爱意。如果没有治疗的干预,这些母亲就有把这种障碍传递给下一代的风险,更有失去爱的风险,而这份爱恰好是她们极度渴求的东西。"
用户评论
Hit the nail on the head. A marvelous read. A painful one as well. Had to pause frequently to breathe.
治愈了我很多。身在dysfunction家庭中,我们无力改变家庭,只能奋力自救。
Z-Library
收藏